writing
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Understanding the Cravings of a Complex Mind
I keep thinking about something my therapist pointed out: my brain craves challenge. Without chaos, while it is peaceful, there’s not a sense of movement or problems I can focus on and rely on the System to work with through the issues. I have at least 10 drafts stowed away,…
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Rant if Need Be, it Beats Not Speaking Any
The drafts are piling up. My house is a wreck. I’m drowning in the daily demands of life. I don’t know if this is more DID related or what: How the hell do people just feel things without being overwhelmed by it all? Or at least so mentally crowded at…
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The Fifth Stream: Understanding Memory Through Ages and Events
For years trying to put our story into some sense of order has been so challenging. When we hear others say, “oh back in X year,” so casually we have to do the math. How old were we in that year? Where did we live then? Which school? Who was out…
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The Fourth Stream: Tell All or Tell None
I can’t wait for March. I have an evaluation set up to confirm if we’re Autistic and ADHD (finally), amongst the cPTSD and DID. My twin relates more with our mother about OCD. Our mom thinks our younger brother is also OCD. And our older brother? Untreated alcoholism, depression, and…
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What Brings You Joy? Exploring Happiness
When are you most happy? “What makes you happy? What brings you joy?” Happiness has been fleeting for us. It’s a breif state above being content. Maybe the years of untreated depression have jaded us to be content with being simply Okay. Or maybe it’s a fact of life we’ve…
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Bittersweet Goodbye
I wanted to write a post on layering. I wanted to answer the last two weeks worth of daily prompts. I wanted to feel like life was still in flow. Last Tuesday the therapist we’ve worked with for the past five almost six years informed us they were moving, transitioning…
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Understanding Trauma: A Survivor’s Narrative
TW: sexual assault It dawned on us this morning yesterday was a trauma anniversary. No wonder we couldn’t stop crying in therapy. That day over a decade ago… It almost destroyed us completely. I only remember bits and pieces. Everything from my perspective is muted. I remember we walked up…
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The Second Stream: Epiphanies
The course of the last week as been a consistent roller coaster. Par for the course of Winter for us I suppose. After all, some the worse traumas occurred during Winter. The past few days have been tumultuous to say the least. Most of the week we felt fine, a…
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The First Stream: Chaos Entities
I woke up this morning feeling slightly out of it. Another night of disrupted sleep. I never sleep well. If it wasn’t just darkness, it was nightmares. And if it wasn’t nightmares, it would be dreams leaving me feeling many things and out of place upon waking. Last night I…
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To Little or not to Little
What does it mean to be a kid at heart? To be a kid at heart is a phrase some would say means to have “energy” or being whimsical. It initially perplexed us. But to be fair, a lot of idioms take us a minute to parse and sort out…
SheepieDex 