CDID
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A Year In
A year ago now one of us thought about starting a blog. Mostly to compile all the information we know on life this way. There wasn’t a single space for information on polyfragmentation. And now? Now it’s devolved into a living space for the chaos. Even the best laid plans…
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Tommy Pt. 2
The following days after that session we kept Tommy internally at a distance. Truthfully I was still hurt by the nightmare, and recovering from the memory we had disclosed. I didn’t blame Tommy though. It took me some time to recognize I was angry at the adults in life who…
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Tommy Pt. 1
Content Warning: Readers may find the subject material distressing. Though no explicit details relating to SA are within, please take caution nonetheless. This was not easy to write. Being this vulnerable is a huge risk for us. It was a pivotal moment for us in our healing. Acknowledging what we…
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Enough is Enough
The first session with the new therapist went well, even if we did fall apart some at the mention of our former therapist. We’re hopeful, despite the overwhelming fear and unease within…well, everything. I knew we would be overwhelmed; it’s a first for us to grieve the loss of a…
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Navigating Therapy Transitions: Emotions and Growth
We got the strange want to reread (or in this case, listen to) Robert Oxnam’s A Fractured Mind: My Life With Multiple Personality Disorder. I had vague flashes of reading this in High School, and then again in college years ago; and now I have my own copy at home.…
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Understanding the Cravings of a Complex Mind
I keep thinking about something my therapist pointed out: my brain craves challenge. Without chaos, while it is peaceful, there’s not a sense of movement or problems I can focus on and rely on the System to work with through the issues. I have at least 10 drafts stowed away,…
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Rant if Need Be, it Beats Not Speaking Any
The drafts are piling up. My house is a wreck. I’m drowning in the daily demands of life. I don’t know if this is more DID related or what: How the hell do people just feel things without being overwhelmed by it all? Or at least so mentally crowded at…
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The Fifth Stream: Understanding Memory Through Ages and Events
For years trying to put our story into some sense of order has been so challenging. When we hear others say, “oh back in X year,” so casually we have to do the math. How old were we in that year? Where did we live then? Which school? Who was out…
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The Fourth Stream: Tell All or Tell None
I can’t wait for March. I have an evaluation set up to confirm if we’re Autistic and ADHD (finally), amongst the cPTSD and DID. My twin relates more with our mother about OCD. Our mom thinks our younger brother is also OCD. And our older brother? Untreated alcoholism, depression, and…
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Bittersweet Goodbye
I wanted to write a post on layering. I wanted to answer the last two weeks worth of daily prompts. I wanted to feel like life was still in flow. Last Tuesday the therapist we’ve worked with for the past five almost six years informed us they were moving, transitioning…
SheepieDex 