Stream of Conscious
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A Year In
A year ago now one of us thought about starting a blog. Mostly to compile all the information we know on life this way. There wasn’t a single space for information on polyfragmentation. And now? Now it’s devolved into a living space for the chaos. Even the best laid plans…
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Embracing Slow Living: Finding Comfort in Chaos
Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind. The world keeps turning, and I still feel the weight of everything on my shoulders. Learning how to pause and slow down isn’t easy for us. The last time I put us on pause, I unknowingly left my own life…
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Backlog 1
April 3rd, 2025 Today was a hard day. We slept, though restless and woke up rather early. This morning while making coffee, we had forgotten that we had already prepped for today. There was water already in the coffee pot, and we added more. Upon realizing it we dumped the…
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Latest Hyperfixation: Xena Warrior Princess
In the span of a month I watched from to start to finish the entirety of Xena. Even went back and watched the main 3 episode arc from Hercules, and episodes Armageddon Now (as it directly ties into an episode in Season 6). It’s an understatement with how much this…
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Rant if Need Be, it Beats Not Speaking Any
The drafts are piling up. My house is a wreck. I’m drowning in the daily demands of life. I don’t know if this is more DID related or what: How the hell do people just feel things without being overwhelmed by it all? Or at least so mentally crowded at…
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The Fifth Stream: Understanding Memory Through Ages and Events
For years trying to put our story into some sense of order has been so challenging. When we hear others say, “oh back in X year,” so casually we have to do the math. How old were we in that year? Where did we live then? Which school? Who was out…
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The Fourth Stream: Tell All or Tell None
I can’t wait for March. I have an evaluation set up to confirm if we’re Autistic and ADHD (finally), amongst the cPTSD and DID. My twin relates more with our mother about OCD. Our mom thinks our younger brother is also OCD. And our older brother? Untreated alcoholism, depression, and…
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Small Note
It feels like time has sped up, stopped, warped, and slowed to an unbearable pace. All because we dread the 31st arriving. Since our last post nothing has changed: we’re still avidly distracting when we can, still internally spiraling while riding the waves of grief. It’s suffocating. It feels like…
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The Third Stream: Alive, but Unwell
It’s been two weeks of constant Hell. We spent last week in and out of crying spells since that Tuesday, and then recently caught a cold. Even as the cold symptoms begin to lessen and I stop quietly distracting our mind, the noise creeps back in. There’s some feeling dissatisfied…
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The Second Stream: Epiphanies
The course of the last week as been a consistent roller coaster. Par for the course of Winter for us I suppose. After all, some the worse traumas occurred during Winter. The past few days have been tumultuous to say the least. Most of the week we felt fine, a…
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