I’ve spent the last two evenings enthralled with Downton Abbey. I used to catch previews on PBS as a teen, but never got a chance to sit and watch it. I picked up the box set a year or so ago. I’m an absolute sucker for period peice dramas. There’s something cozy about them. Maybe it’s the brief escapism I need lately?

All I know is the reprieve from life is sorely needed. Also quality of sleep is poor again, thanks to an obnoxious kitty. It’s a curse being a light sleeper.

I can hardly scratch the surface of the things going on beneath the thick pane of glass? Fog? Of something in my head. While our mood’s improved some the last few days, and we’ve tackled hard conversations, I still feel that ever present caged off section of mind. I’m still having these occasional sudden floating moments while out walking, or just moving. That is it feels like I’m being forcefully separated from the body, and it always has a spike of anxiety with it. It only lasts for a few seconds, just enough for me to notice, but not enough to cause a panic attack.

Maybe I need a few days off work? Or an actual walk around town? Though, that I’m not even sure that  would be ideal. It makes half of us feel overwhelmed because of the sensory aspect. I know the environment at home is also feeding into things a little bit. I can’t think about it too much else I start getting a headache.

Instead, as ridiculous as I feel, I’ll do what they told us to do for when this happens: thank the Wall. It’s there for a reason. Maybe I’m not allowed to see behind it yet. Maybe I just need sleep. Walls are also good to lean and rest against too.