What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

To be a kid at heart is a phrase some would say means to have “energy” or being whimsical. It initially perplexed us. But to be fair, a lot of idioms take us a minute to parse and sort out the meaning. Or if we try to use them, most instances it will come out incorrectly. Hilariously so. It has only been within the last few years we’ve been able to allow our “inner child” to come forward. There are many moments in memory where we told we were too serious, or conversely too immature. Too much of something, really.

I remember when the one year anniversary of therapy rolled around, I brought my partner in as they had questions I could not answer without bumbling my way through. I remember the therapist commenting that, “Dex at times appears more childish,” at which point I was vaguely offended yet also understood from somewhere in the back of my mind. Unbeknownst to me at the time, a Little had made an appearance. A few times actually. My awareness during those moments were that of feeling smaller, younger, and suddenly really shy. Sometimes afraid, sometimes incredibly sad and hurt, and sometimes indignant.

To be a kid at heart is a literal experience for us. While we now understand the body is older, those parts of us still experience the same emotional intensity as young children do. Our Littles light up when our best friend shows up with a “just because” gift, and unashamedly stim from the sudden excitement. They’ll laugh and squeal internally when our partner suggests we play ball. They’ll passionately go on a tirade about their current fixation, or tattle on us older parts if there’s issues.

Our Littles allow us to have the childhood we deserved instead of the reality that it was: chaotic and unsafe.

These days we have an unspoken rule that once work is over, we go home to be a kid. We still tend to adult obligations as necessary, but we’ve placed a higher importance on play. Especially as Winter sets in. To be a kid at heart is to be a Little. To allow oneself the opportunity to be curious and have childlike wonder, to treat things as magical, to give ourself permission to Live.

-Dex/DJ